at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
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