The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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