yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
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