I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
