Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
