I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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