just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
