He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
