She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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