a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
