I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
