Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
