taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
