she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
