Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
