where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so explain again why im purple
no
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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