also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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