I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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