literally had 100 drinks last night.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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