The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
