Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
