I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
