I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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