I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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