How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
