I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I need to sanitize my soul.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
