Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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