Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
