Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
