i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
