I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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