Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
