so let's talk penis.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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