Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
