saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Can I color on your dick again?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
