im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
