sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
As shirtless as possible
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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