I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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