So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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