i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
