I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
