This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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