pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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