you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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