I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
