So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
