you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
