So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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