Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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