Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
