threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
sex in a hospital.. check
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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