I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
