nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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