he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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