i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
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