My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
