I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You need a sexual gate keeper
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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