Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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