i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
